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Let me get this straight…a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, ripping all the hair out…and still be afraid of a spider?
Turbo tax might just be the worst video game I ever played.
I`m so unlucky with women? I visited a massage parlour the other day..and they told me it was "self - service"
Don’t underestimate my ability to be hungry.
There is no better indication of how drunk you are than how loudly you declare that you`re not.
with great power...comes great electric bill...
I can only please one person a day...and today is not your day!
Home is where you can say anything you want, because nobody listens to you anyway.
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
The only human interaction I want for the rest of the day is the exchange of money between me and the liquor store cashier
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you’re supposed to be doing something else.
I haven`t been this disappointed since I first saw a real hedgehog and it wasn`t blue.
Dear ladies, Not trying to impress you or anything, but I make my own sandwiches.
Secret Web Cam Test: Please nod your head yes if you can read this.
5 symptoms of laziness –> 1.