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I can`t believe it`s been a year since I didn`t become a better person....
The best things in life are free, but they still screw you on shipping.
The problem is I have just enough money to get into trouble but not enough to make bail.
Sometimes I think "What would Dexter do"?
I love facebook... It`s the only place where I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot...
Whenever I`m sad, you`re there. Whenever I`m having problems, you`re always there. Whenever my life seems out of control, you`re always there. Lets face it. You`re bad luck.
LADIES: Not all men get into a relationship just for sex. Some just need a personal chef.
Don`t let the propeller hat fool you... I have no idea how to fly this plane.
No, I don`t have tourette syndrome..I was just telling you what I think of you.
A moment of silence to all the kids who can’t wait to become a teenager because they think it’s fun..
I`m about to eat gas station breakfast. Tell my family that I love them.
Google maps should have a “Scenic!” route option for when we’re not in a hurry and just want to enjoy the ride.
Bored? Simply send a text message to a random number saying..."I`m Pregnant!"
How easily you`re offended is directly proportional to how dumb you are.
Suggested serving size is only for skinny people right?