Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
This beer tastes like future mistakes.
Who knew adulthood would involve so much Advil?
Sometimes to much to drink is never enough
If Monday had a face, I´d punch it.
At a wedding reception someone yelled: “All the married men please stand next to the person that made your life worth living” The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
My short-term memory is my ONLY problem..... Well, that, and my short-term memory
Vegans think they will live longer than us, but they don`t realize they are 100 times more likely to be murdered mid conversation.
Oh, so you are thinking about me? I am also thinking about myself.....
If turning alcohol into bad decisions ever becomes an Olympic event, I`m bringin` home the Gold! USA! USA!
My doctor said I should eat better. I told him, with what he charges, I’m lucky I eat at all.
Seriously, dude...Is there a name for what`s wrong with you?
I don`t think we appreciate this era enough. For instance, none of us will see old photos of our moms whoring it up on Instagram.
Since light travels faster than sound, isn`t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
If da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20121020-00463.jpg"
Marrying your high school sweetheart is like taking the banker`s first offer on Deal or No Deal.