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Life is basically trying to meet better people than the ones you currently know.
I got a letter from my crush on Valentine`s Day. Well, technically it`s a restraining order but still....
Every day can be palm Sunday if you`re a single guy
Some people are like water balloons, they’re more fun when you throw them out the window.
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
If a single teacher can’t teach all the subjects then how could you expect a single student to learn all subjects.
I just saw a bus that you would look amazing under.
U still drunk from last night or did u get a new buzz going this morning.
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days..
My friend said "hey that girl has a nice butt" I said "yes i bet she can sit down excellently "
HR have advised that I’m not allowed to ask my chubby co-workers if they ate my missing stapler.
I`m perfect you adjust.
I like to finish other people’s sentences because my version is better.
Just got done putting up all the garage sale signs. Hope the neighbor appreciates how much work I put into their surprise garage sale.
BREAKING NEWS: Baby found in the middle of the Meteorite crash site,,, he is miraculously unharmed... Wrapped in what seems to be a red cape.