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I think it`s safe to say that my 2 year old is definitely more excited to see the fire truck next door than my neighbor.
Peyton Manning saw his shadow this morning...that means six more weeks of bad Papa Johns commercials.
Sometimes I wanna comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don`t wanna have to explain why I`m in your `Random Party Pics 08` album at 4am.
It`s not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.
I hope to get to the point in my life where I`m not excited about finding change on the ground.
If you’ve never pretended a Cheeto is a tiny caveman club, we can’t be friends.
There’s nothing worse than getting $0.99 back in change.
Imagine how creepy the first guy to dress up as a clown must have been, where in hell did he get that idea?
Be thankful your GPS doesn`t get PMS: “Fine! Turn whichever way you want! You never listen to me anyway!”
you know you`ve been facebooking too much when you accidentally say "LOL", in person...
Why would I dance like nobody`s watching? People need to see this.
Researchers claim that the Internet is making us dumber and more impatient. I don`t get it. Moving on.
Thanksgiving is a great time to test the boundaries of how drunk you can get before your family members notice.
I can’t tell if I’m hungry, but better eat just in case.
When I think of all the money I`ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!