Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I am so confused. My boss just said "keep up the good work" and I have no recollection of doing any such work.
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
I met this girl in a club last night, I think she’s a body builder. She just so happened to build hers using chips.
When I was your age, we drank water straight out of the sink.
I’m beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on your bus do not go round & round.
My wife and I laugh at how competitive we are at things, but I laugh more.
Next time you see someone you don`t like, begin conversation with "I see the assassins have failed."
So if your invited to someone`s 4th marriage is it wrong to give them a gift certificate to a good divorce attorney?
Why doesn`t, "I have a headache!" work for when I don`t want to mow the yard?
One of my friends had a baby today, and another got a puppy. I think we all know which one I`m going to visit.
Dear Car driving 40mph on the highway this morning. It`s only a 1/4“ of snow plus you have a "Jesus Fish" on your bumper. You`ll be just fine.
The statement `Hey! Calm down!` has a zero to no success rate of getting someone to calm down
Sometimes I meet people and feel sorry for their dog.
I saw Tom Hanks and asked for his autograph. He abbreviated it, and it just said "Thanks"
I just want to be famous enough to have a Wikipedia page full of misinformation about me.