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I wonder what “don’t touch” is in Braille....
A Lion would never cheat on his wife.. but a Tiger wood.
What do sleeping and sex have in common? ... I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
Cool things about being a turtle: 1. Born with a free house attached to you 2. Super chill 3. Could potentially mutate into a ninja
The funniest thing about this Facebook status is by the time you realize it doesn`t say anything important, it`s to late for you to stop reading it ... sucker
Holidays, hotels and women. Three things that always look better online than in real life.
If god can artificially inseminate someone, why did he need two of every animal on the ark to repopulate the world?
Conspiracy theorists are all so dumb that I suspect they`ve been planted by a secret organization to distract us from what`s really going on
It`s so cute how you can throw balls right at kids faces in the Chuck E Cheese ball pit and they think you`re just playing.
Anyone else has a plastic bag at home full of plastic bags?
I don’t just sing in the shower... I perform.
It’s amazing what I’m able to get done when I need to do something else.
How come they didn`t call this years game the BUD bowl?
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired
I have two words for this week. BEER ME!!!