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How ignorant do I have to be before I start experiencing bliss?
Mad respect to people who can stop eating when they`re full.
House cleaning would go a lot faster if the spray bottles made laser gun sounds
Unless life hands you water and sugar, your lemonade is gonna suck.
The person that named the eggplant probably isn’t allowed to name things anymore.
I wonder what it feels like to be wrong.
How to get laid: 1)Lay on bed... Wait 1 hour until lay becomes past tense
Stalin should have known communism doesn`t work. There were red flags everywhere.
I need a "previously on your life" recap for the things I didn`t pay attention to.
Someone just called me normal, I`ve never been so insulted in all my life!
If she owns more than 4 pairs of yoga pants, expect A LOT of text messages
I`m CDO. It`s like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order. LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
If you keep bending your iPhone 6 you`ll eventually have a sweet flip phone.
I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.
Isn`t it weird that a vacuum cleaner isn`t something that is used to clean vacuums?