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Worry: a waste of imagination.
I thought the movie `fast & furious` was about my sex life. I`m fast, my wife is furious.
Hi, welcome to adulthood! You`ll be constantly tired except for right before you need to go to sleep.
Nothing is more dangerous than a woman “gathering her thoughts”.
Boobs: because you can`t suck on a girls personality
Grab the bull by the horns. The other end is too gross...
I`m changing my voicemail greeting to: Please hang up and text me, thanks. ;)
Always wonder why do people even bother making good quality pinatas?
If you are noticing this notice, you will have noticed this notice is not worth noticing
If you have no regrets in life, you clearly have never gone out with me.
I cleaned my room and still smells like smoke, stale beer and sweat. This is the last time I use "Mr. Sheen" cleaner.
Didn`t win the lotto again ... send prayers.
A new heavy metal Christian Rock band will soon be releasing their debut album. They`re called Nuns `n` Moses.
I`m giving up procrastination for Lent ... starting tomorrow.
My ice bucket challenge: 1. Buy bucket 2. Add ice 3. Add 12 beers 4. Sign into FB and drink