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Marry someone shorter than you so you can hide all the good snacks on the top shelf.
Vodka is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
If someone hates you for no apparent reason, give them one.
My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I am suspicious that I am up to something I don`t want myself to know about.
Weird how “news” and “fact checking” are treated like two separate concepts these days.
No one looks more depressed than a grown man walking away from the microwave with a Lean Cuisine meal in his hands.
Found out today you cannot join a gym "just to watch".
I’ve decided to get rid of my bad habits…just as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available.
I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
It`s always quiet on here at the weekends, it`s like you people have lives or something...
Don`t call me names, you don`t know enough words to describe me
I`m doing a charity gig tonight for people who struggle to achieve orgasm. Don`t worry if you can`t come
I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month.
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a beautiful day.
I`m going to spend Valentine`s day with my ex.... Box 360