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If a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
If running away from my problems counts as exercise then yes, I work out a lot.
The only way a fidgey spinner would relieve my stress is if it was edible ...
As a child, you dream of adventure, travel & success. As an adult, a lot of the time, you just hope the toilet flushes.
The one good thing about an egotist. They don`t talk about other people.
Christmas trees are like boobs...the fake ones are nice to look at... But the real ones are so much better
What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ”K” instead of ”OK”?
Even if girls came with instructions, men would never read them.
If life gives you lemons make grape juice than lay back and watch people wondering how you did it;)
Firemen, Astronauts, and Doctors are the only people who actually followed through on what they wanted to be when they grew up.
I always learn from the mistake of others who take my advice.
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired.
Shaving your head is the "You can`t fire me because i quit" approach to male pattern baldness.
I can`t figure out why everyone calls me a smart-ass. Is it because I`m smart and have a great ass?
My motto for the night ... drink till I no longer think :)