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Smelling another person should be a choice. Just sayin’
Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.
How do blind people know when to stop wiping their asses
Don`t judge. Maybe I`m conducting a study of the effects of prolonged laziness on a human body. You don`t know.
I just called the Alcohol Hotline and those bastards don`t even deliver.
I’m bored enough to clean.
It must be really hard to judge wet t-shirt contests. I saw one recently, and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
Resisting the urge to write "Just shut the f*ck up" on someones status.
I don’t have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve.
People keep mistaking my "wow"s for compliments.
Thanks to my mom, I put my name on all of my underwear so they`re easier to spot when I go through the bar`s lost and found box.
To all my ex girlfriends. Don`t worry. I`m still an asshole.
is not rude...I just wasn`t taught to politely pretend to be nice to people I can`t stand.
I am really getting tired of every time I go out people use me for my body. You know, to shade them from the sun and all.
Finding a needle in a haystack is quite easy if you just set the hay on fire.