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I’m shy at first, but once I’m comfortable with you get ready for some crazy sh!t.
I don`t know how the law of averages works, but you`d think after 25yrs of marriage I`d be right at least once
I just got the results of my IQ test. It came back negative.
You should probably first master the art of thinking “inside” the box
Can anyone recommend a good movie to kinda listen to while I stare at my phone?
I like pressing F5. It`s so refreshing.
On my bucket list: To be chased through a kitchen at a Chinese restaurant like in the movies.
Currently helping my son look for his chocolate that I ate last night.
We get it poets: things are like other things
If women are so perfect at multitasking, how come they can`t have a headache and sex at the same time?
Their bedroom door is closed. I better walk in there for no reason. - kids
What if "I`m coming out with a new scent" was just a way for famous people to warn others that they were about to fart?
I don`t appreciate my son`s teacher circling all the wine stains on his homework.
You have 600 friends on Facebook but you have to take your own picture of yourself for your profile photo.
Multitasking (verb) - Screwing up several things at once.