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Just slung my bra off & threw it to the other side of the couch where there are already 2 other bras. If my math is right, it`s Wednesday.
I was having breakfast at a friend`s house and she said "How do you take your coffee?" I said "Very seriously."
Chocolate comes from Cocoa, which is a tree. That makes cocoa a plant….chocolate is a salad.
I cleaned my room and still smells like smoke, stale beer and sweat. This is the last time I use "Mr. Sheen" cleaner.
exercise........you mean extra fries
If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.
I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.
Give up, itsy-bitsy spider. It wasn`t meant to be.
Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?
80% of my status updates are BS, 15% are bologna and 5% are 100% straight from the heart.
When I see a shoe on the side of the road I wonder if Cinderella is in a nearby house.
“That’s funny” is something I say when I can’t even fake a laugh.
Unless you are selling Thin Mints, don’t ever knock on my door.
Alcohol – The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance “medicine.”
A sure cure for sea-sickness is to sit under a tree.