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"Check, please!" - Me, at a restaurant begging the waiter to make sure there are no monsters under the table
Still not 100% clear on whether French Montana is a person or a steakhouse special.
Finally did it. 25 inflatable mattresses later and I’ve finally turned my apartment into a bounce castle.
My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. . . . well. . . she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet.
Here`s an idea...You go away and I`ll stop ignoring you.
If you say married people aren’t having sex, you have obviously never sat in a hotel bar & watched them pick up strangers.
I believe pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens
You`re never too old to learn something stupid.
Don`t give me a sec, give me lots of secs.
You’re not an easy person to like….I like that about you.
A true man is one who leaves his wife alone in cold weather and goes to watch football.
I hope I never go to jail because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2001
For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
The problem with you is ... you exist.
This drag race is not at all what I expected. Are they in dresses inside of the cars, at least?