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I wish someone would steal my identity, fix it and and give it back...
See, this is why I never like too wake up, it means doing things.
If going to church has taught me anything, it is that Catholics hate unexpected pterodactyl impressions.
i feel naked without my mobile !
If you don`t give a f*ck then why you telling everybody?
The worst part of being an insomniac is having to eat spiders while I’m awake to maintain my yearly average.
If you ever get caught sleeping during work, just slowly raise your hand and say "In Jesus name I pray, Amen."
Women are angels, and when someone breaks our wings, we continue to fly…on a broomstick. We’re flexible that way.
Lately, my furnace has run so much I nicknamed it "Forest".
Fingerprints are proof that God doesn`t trust us
There could be literally thousands of chameleons in your house right now and you don`t even know it.
I`m not funny, I`m just kidding u
I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.
How does anything ever get done at the bubble wrap factory?
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 8 times,......Your probably a woman.