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No I don`t think you`re stupid, I just think you have real bad luck when it comes to thinking
My coworker`s inspire me to drink on the job.
I eat cake every day because I know somewhere out there, it`s someone`s birthday and I need to show respect.
Without stupid people we would have no one to laugh at.
I think you and I both know that you`re not facebook friends with me for the funny statuses.
How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?
You’d think after all these beauty pageants, we would have world peace by now.
I`m just chilling tonight with my new plane ... Oops, I`ve said too much.
Definition of insanity - Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results
They call them heated seats because rear defroster was already taken
Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don`t have a moon where I live.
Confuse your coworkers today by telling them you`re going to the restroom to do a "number 3"
Yeah, I was gonna do that, but summer.
Now if you’ll excuse me, tonight’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.
Bartenders are basically professionals that we hire to poison us very slowly in creative ways.