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Every woman is beautiful in her own unique way. Sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it.
2003: Fear that ppl from the internet will find me in real life. 2013: Fear that ppl from real life will find me on the internet.
“Why is life so hard?” – Me, trying to open a jar of peanut butter.
Leaving the house would be so much cooler if someone would yell “Aaaaand Action!” as I walk out the door.
I keep myself in good enough shape to outrun most women and children during emergencies.
I found my wife through online dating. So, she`s definitely got some explaining to do!
Every time I see a preview for Hoarders, I grab the closest thing to me and immediately throw it away.
Definitely never want to own a small fruit stand in an action movie.
I would offer moral support ... But my morals are questionable.
They say laughter is the best medicine... found out that`s not true for treating diarrhea.
I farted in the apple store and everyone got pissed, not my fault they dont have windows ...
Talking bout planets with my 8 yr old. He asked if you can just plow thru Uranus because it`s all gas. I cannot respond maturely.
When I rule the world, it will be illegal to have an opinion until you`ve proven that you are not an idiot.
Mail from Grandma: FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:No subject
How`d this get posted?