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AA meetings would be better if AA stood for Alcohol Afterwards
What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin? (asking for a friend)
If I cover my phone at work with Preparation H, would it filter out the `pains in the butts` from calling?
Turns out fantasy football is nothing like I thought it would be. Anyone interested in a naughty quarterback outfit? Serious inquiries only.
Football Logic: Your team won: Celebrate with beers! Your team lost: Better drown my sorrows in some beer.
Work is the result of failing to procrastinate effectively.
Whenever I start to hate my job I think about the camera crew who has to follow the Kardashian’s 24/7.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats
this guy with binoculars has been watching me watch him with binoculars and i don`t know who`s winning
The trouble with children is that they´re not returnable.
When I said I wanted to take it slow, I meant your life.
Today`s Big Idea: Coffee eye drops.
If you ever hit rock bottom, bring some beer. I`m almost out.
I don’t think I get enough credit for doing everything I do while being unmedicated.
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn`t take and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.