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My neighbors complained about all the loud sex they are hearing from my house. So now I have to buy some headphones for my computer.
never be afraid to wipe twice
Why doesn’t The Rock just tell us what he’s cooking? I can’t pair wines like this.
A hard thing about business is minding your own
Scientists are dumb. A meteor didn`t kill the dinosaurs. I`ve been to the museum. It`s obvious they starved to death.
WOW! This gym thing is a lot harder than it looked on Instagram.
wants to come back as a bird after I die.... just so i can sh!t on the people who piss me off.
I was an atheist, until I realized I was a sex god.
awkward moment when the dentist is talking to you with his hands on your mouth
The best thing about having male genitals is sharing it with people who don`t.
When someone says "everything happens for a reason" I`d like to smack them and say "yeah, I guess you`re right"
In "I am Legend" Will Smith lives alone for years. But then 24hrs after a woman shows up, he dies.....AND she stole his bacon
My exercise routine needs to include a little more than opening difficult pistachios.
<-- Is my name! Isn`t it awesome!?
The early bird gets the worm! So does the late bird. They all get worms all the time; there`s tons of those things. Relax, there will always be a lota worms......