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There are no bad pictures. That`s just how your face looks sometimes.
I don’t like being told what to do…unless I’m naked.
I once found a whip, a mask, a baton and handcuffs in my Mother-in-Law`s draw... who knew she was a superhero. Nice!!!
Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind, should all acquaintance be forgot and somebody refill my wine.
My sleep number is 151 ... Bacardi 151
It`s finally here! .. That time of year when my seasonal depression turns into just regular depression.
You could`ve told me that wasn`t your real name before I got the tattoo.
In case of fire, do not use the elevator. Use water...
When I become famous I`m not going to tell anyone.
People are way less judgmental when you say you had an "avocado salad" instead of saying you ate a bowl of guacamole.
I swear my toddler yells at me in Vietnamese
If each day is a gift, I wonder where I can return monday.
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
Just heard a lady say "When in doubt, get a pizza"... I don`t know who this woman is but she`s my new life coach.
Chuck E Cheese: Because it`s never too early to introduce your children to gambling and bad nutrition.