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Of course it`s you....there`s no f*cking way it`s me.
We should have staff meetings in the garden. The plants would love the fertilizer.
It’s not that I’m old, your music really does suck.
If you love something set it on fire, if it... no wait, is that right? sh!t! Be right back...
Just realized that 90% of Disney cartoons involve lying about your identity to get someone to love you.
I used to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I wake up feeling like a bounced check.
Just...sitting...thinking...planning my next move to get that new roll of toilet paper about 5 feet away from me.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day............ Palm Sunday is just around the corner
What idiot named it a mugshot instead of a cellfie?
The synonym for `reality` is `offline`
Eleventeen percent of the population makes up words.
I just want to point out that I am an Amazon Prime member so it`s about time you guys started treating me with a little respect.
I used to think I was overreacting. Now I realize it was a normal reaction to an abnormal amount of bullsh!t.
Remember when everyone died before gluten-free bread?
I`m just amazed after all these years that we STILL haven`t seen Mario`s buttcrack.