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Roses are red, violets are blue. I lowered my standards, just for you.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if Iām right
I miss the life I planned in my head.
To the woman that won the powerball ... "what`s up baby"
What do sleeping and sex have in common? I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
Facebook prank #23 Go in everynight and change your birthday to the next day...then see how long it takes for people to catch on....
In space they just call it "Jam"
Non alcohilic beer, for people who like to pee but hate that annoying buzz.
Takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do ...
Did the Energizer Bunny finally stop going and going, and none of us even noticed it?
Some of the happiest years of a woman`s life are when she`s 29.
Rumors are like fires. No one admits to starting them and before you know it, they`re out of control.
They say milk is good for your teeth..you know what else is good for your teeth..minding your own damn buisness
People go on and on about the length of Subway`s sandwiches but how come nobody talks about their girth?
"Based on a true story" means it happened more or less like this, but with ugly people.