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Einstein was wrong. The real definition of insanity is trying to clean your house when you have children.
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she pours gasoline around your car.
If Harry Potter is so magical then why can’t he fix his eye sight?
From what I can gather, men hit their sexual peak around age 18. And women hit theirs as soon as the divorce is final.
My reaction to winning a billion dollars wouldn`t even come close to my 10 year old`s reaction when I told him that there`s no school today.
Learn to spell. Auto Correct isn’t always write.
Hey Gotham City criminals, why isn’t the first thing on your to-do list “Unplug the Bat Signal”?
Did the Baha Men ever find their dogs? Did they put up posters or just sing that song?
Don’t be upset that you’re single; be happy that someone isn’t ruining your life.
Most problems can be solved with nudity.
The trouble with living alone is that it`s always my turn to do dishes.
Every-time I walk over a sewer grate I look down into it hoping to catch a glimpse of a Ninja Turtle
wants to rock and roll all night
Ask not what your father can do for you, but what you can do for your father. Happy Fathers Day!
Some people pass through our lives just to teach us not to be like them.