Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Would a transformer buy life insurance or car insurance?
By the power vested in me and by this case of beer, I now pronounce these three loads of laundry as one.
I’m sick of closing out every job interview with “I was young. I needed the money.”
Sometimes I get nervous I haven`t done anything with my life. But then something good comes on TV, and I`m OK.
Awkward moment when you don’t know if you were offered gum out of generosity or if your breath stinks.
Nothing is quite so annoying as to have someone go right on talking when you`re interrupting!
I really need to clean the house, but I`m thinking it`d be a lot faster to burn it down and start from scratch...
You are the reason why I bite the heads off teddy grams.
I’m alone in my car. Counting it as a vacation.
Alcohol is never the answer...unless, of course, you ask what I`ll be doing tonight.
No one ever reads the rules of Monopoly unless an argument breaks out.
I don’t just sing in the shower... I perform.
The exam hall is the only place on the earth where everyone is desperate for teamwork..
Me: Well hello again. I knew you`d be back. I seem to have that effect on people Fed Ex: Just sign here so I can leave
I’m pretty sure I have atleast one anscestor who would be pretty pissed to find out that helicopters exist and I can’t fly one.