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Got into a vicious battle with quite possibly the World`s Largest Spider. The outcome? Well, I`m updating my Facebook status this morning.... He isn`t.
Hey, Dude who flips me off for honking at him in the parking lot, your groceries are on top of your car.
I will write something profound ... subsoil!
Some people post because they need attention and validation. Not me. (Thanks for reading this, the `Like` button is below)
I realized my superpower.. I can walk into ANY bathroom.. And the toilet paper roll will be empty..
You can`t Febreze bullshit.
How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout “Heroes in a half shell.” 3) When a girl yells back “Turtle Power,” marry her.
One day I will solve all problems with grace & maturity. Today is not that day...
If anybody out there happens to have my voodoo doll, can u please scratch my balls. I happe to be in a public place at the moment.
Every-time I walk over a sewer grate I look down into it hoping to catch a glimpse of a Ninja Turtle
I`m not perfect, but I`m the best me there is or ever will be.
I`m uncomfortable sharing my feelings with you but completely comfortable standing next to a complete stranger while urinating. - Guys.
People are obsessed with this storm but in a couple months no one will talk about it anymore, which is why they named it after the movie Juno.
I guess the teachers went back to school. The bar was nearly empty this morning.
Be nice to people on your way up so they won’t get suspicious when you’re rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport.