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Seems like my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair.
The phrase "don`t take this the wrong way" has zero % success rate
Just pour the coffee and back away slowly.
If I lived in England I would approach my boss on payday and say "pound me."
Iām not fat... my stomach is 3D.
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
Have you ever looked at someone and realized "WTF" is always what immediately comes to mind?
"There`s strength in numbers" I whisper to my 9th slice of pizza.
Accept the craziness. Life will be a bore without it.
Why did the Fresh Prince have to take a cab anyways? How sh!tty was that family that no one would pick him up from the airport?
I fell asleep with infomercials playing on the TV.... I woke up with a strange desire to do P90X with a Shake Weight while in my Snuggie
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time.
They always say "love makes the world go around"... They spelled beer wrong.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do. Happy Fathers Day!
Doing donuts in the parking lot sounds fun. Eating donuts in the parking lot sounds better.