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Apparently I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
People who text back... "kk" ... Are so annoying! ....and almost racist
Political debates are great if you want to watch idiots talk to us like idiots to prove that the idiot next to them is a bigger idiot.
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess
A coworker wouldn`t stop bragging about her upcoming trip to Hawaii, so I emailed her a bunch of pictures of plane crashes.
I took out an ad for a girlfriend recently and 10 guys tried to give me theirs.
Wish I turned into a wolf every month instead of getting my period
Timehop... reminding us that the stupid people we know today were just as stupid 5 years ago.
Well after 6 months of my girlfriend nagging, I finally did it, I lost 120lbs ... I`m sure gonna miss her.
I just assume I do everything wrong since I don`t have a wife to confirm it.
To Do List: 1: Buy a knife 2: Call it kindness 3: Kill people with Kindness
Buys Mega-Millions ticket. Has a better chance of being hit by lightning in a cave.
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of it!
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them
I´m up way too early for someone who wasn´t planning on seizing the day.