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I just started dating a homeless girl and it`s great! When I take her home, I can drop her off anywhere I want.
I did not trip...the floor looked like it needed a hug.
If it`s really the thought that counts, we`re ALL screwed. LOL ;)
How long do I microwave this 14 lb turkey?
The buses don`t go where you live do they.
I`m no mathlete, but I CAN tell you that a 6 y/o running at 8 mph chasing an ice cream truck moving at 10 mph flies 7.4 ft if you trip him.
You don`t have to be crazy to work here ... We`ll train you.
I didn’t give you the finger...you earned it.
Sometimes, the light at the end of the tunnel is just a lost guy with a flashlight.
Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
If I had a dollar for every time I had a nickel.......
As you get older your Christmas list gets shorter, because the things you want can`t be bought.
Dr. Oz says having 1/2 hour of sex is equivalent to running 6 miles. I guess I`m going to the gym today.
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, but the more important question is, how did they get in there in the first place?
My husband told me he needed more space ... So I locked him outside.