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"Ho, Ho, Ho!" -Santa Claus/Pimp, doing a head count.
I inboxed a girl on Facebook and she never replied. I guess you could say we`re `seen` each other.
condoms prevent minivans
Dear autocorrect, at no point in time have I meant to say "I`m affordable" instead of "I`m adorable".
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where the f*ck is my remote?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch dumbass."
One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, “Who ate my kale?”
I bet wrecking ball operators are some of the happiest people in the world.
I`m just a boy...standing in front of a girl...asking her to lov.....aw who am I trying to fool. I just want in your pants.
I`ve never gone to bed with an ugly woman. Woken up to a whole bunch of them though.
If someone throws a rock at you, throw a flower back at them, but, make sure the flower is still in the pot..
It`s always nice to be called Pretty in the morning. So what if he was hiding behind the trash wearing no pants.
Do I look like Christopher Columbus? Am I guiding a ship to a new land? So, when I ask for directions, please don`t use words like "East."
Iam not as THINK as you DRUNK iam!!
Look!!! I am always here for you no matter what,OK? unless there is something good on tv or I`m eating pie
This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.