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Thanks to everyone for the Birthday wishes! To anyone who missed it.”No cake for you!!"
Why don`t we ever hear anyone bragging about their Allstate safe driving bonus checks?
Wanna come over tonight for pizza and sex? lol jk, there`s no pizza
I forgot to make a resolution, so I`m pretty much going to just write out everything I did last night and add the word "stop" to the beginning.
Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today.
It`s Friday the 13th. Good thing I`m not superstitious, it`s unlucky to be superstitious...
With all the potato chip flavors available now, I see no point in buying actual food...
When Life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide.
I hate it when people hate me without even giving me a chance to give them a good reason to.
Is the "D" in Donkey Kong a typo? It should have been Monkey Kong right? These are the things that keep me up at night.
One of us spends too much time on Facebook.
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is my favorite story about how you will get treated like CRAP ... until you have something someone else needs
Has anybody seen my keys? they`re awesome.
Every pizza is a personal pizza if you eat the entire thing.
Ever notice how many friends you have when you pull out a pack of gum?