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An apple a day is bullsh!t. Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White, Blackberry or any pig at a luau.
My phone just changed, `calendar` to `cake radar` and now I really wish I had that.
I was a huge tomboy. Like, I had barbies, but only because my ninja turtles needed bitches.
If at first you don´t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Own the day
OMG, you`re huge! There`s no way you`ll fit inside me.- My clothes probably.
I will give you unconditional love as soon as you meet my list of demands.
Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram have taught us that for every giant technological leap ahead, we will find a way to use it for dumb sh!t.
I can`t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes.
I forget, how much tequila goes in mashed potatoes? Now that`s funny, I don`t care who you are. Oh, don`t copy that part. I mean this part. Oh hell!! Your going to copy and paste the whole thing anyway ;)
Everyone sends text like "good morning sunshine", so I texted "good morning solar eclipse" ... Yeah, don`t do that.
*pulls shirt back down* I guess I don`t understand what a flash mob actually is.
The awkward moment when you type HO instead of HI.
No, I CAN’T believe how early it’s getting dark. After 4 billion years of this happening I was sure this would be the year it didn’t.
I think abs are for guys that don`t have the confidence to wear a nice T-shirt to the pool.