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I don`t ever know where I`m at till I`m there
my wish for tonight is for the person reading this status to have a Good Night!
I have a brilliant idea once every seven beers.
I´m playing that game where the floor is made of lava, so I obviously can´t get off the couch or I´ll die.
You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
The dentist told me I need to be more aggressive when I floss so I`ve decided to start growling.
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there.
You`re not laughing out loud. You know it and I know it
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering every question!!!
L`oréal`s mascara makes your lashes 60% longer? Wow! They should make condoms.
You don`t have to dress like you`re a handbag, unless you are Lady Gaga.
If you have really strong opinions on subjects that you know very little about... then Facebook just may be the perfect thing for you.
Today, my wife asked "would you still love me if I was ugly and fat." "Yes, honey I do." was not the right answer.
God gives us only what we can handle... Apparently God thinks I am a bad-ass.
So how many pokes does it take before its considered a heavy petting?