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Spent the morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
Chocolate is a flavor of milk, and milk is a flavor of chocolate.
Hey dude who flipped me off in the Subway parking lot for honking at you, you left your dinner on top of your car.
The phrase "don`t take this the wrong way" has zero % success rate
Every time I see a safety warning on a product I can`t help think to myself how natural selection has failed us once again...
I can buy my own sugar. What I need is an insurance daddy.
Never trust a married guys opinion of who`s hot. It`s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.
What if Deja Vu meant you lost a life and you are starting back off at your last checkpoint.
I love the phrase "boobie trapped" I mean, who doesn`t like to be trapped by boobies????
Farted in my wallet, Now I have gas money.
I have a PHD (Pretty Huge d*ck)
I hate it when people upload song lyrics as their status`s it reminds me of somebody i used to know
why don`t we get discounts for ringing up our own groceries in self checkout?
The fact that you don’t find me amazing doesn’t bother me at all, it just confirms what I have suspected all along; that you have bad taste.
Sweating is for people who do stuff.