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Any psycho girls wanna hang out? Just text me like 5000 times and let me know.
I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
You guys know that there are things higher than kites, right?
My ex wife claims I have "commitment issues" like I didn`t just wait in line for 30 minutes to get a hot dog at Costco.
Dropped my cheeseburger in the dirt before I ate it. That`s about as organic you`re gonna get out of me.
Is it really necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down?
I`m not a control freak. I just know what`s best...for everyone.
It’s funny how people get mad when you treat them the same way they treat you.
Health insurance is rare for exotic dancers. Most strippers have little or no coverage.
I bet every guy would be faithful if God took an inch off his d!ck every time he cheated...
Being normal is boring.
I admit ive been known to wrap bacon in bacon just for the extra bacon flavor
M?o?n?, T?u?e?s?, W?e?d?, T?h?u?r?s?, Friday !!!!
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot”, you are wasting everybody’s time.
My diet could best be described as, "unchaperoned child at a birthday party."