Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on.
I`ve disappointed a lot of people in my life, you`re not special.
Times change When I was a kid, werewolves and vampires were very scary. Now everyone wants to have sex with them
It takes two people to lie....one to lie.....the other to listen
Just hung a picture. I nailed it.
My math is never so quick or exact as when I see an old flame with a child.
Last year I won a $50 gift card to Chili`s at a Christmas raffle. ...... This year I`ve decided my Secret Santa gift is going to be a $14.37 gift card to Chili`s.
No one`s lazier than the guy who came up with the name for Juicy Juice.
A word to the wise isn`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
Teacher: Why are you late!? Me: There was a man who lost a $100 bill..Teacher: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it? Me: No, I was standing on it until he f*cked off.
Its awkward touching hands with another man in a popcorn bag, especially if you don`t know the man & he doesn`t know you`re eating his popcorn
More people should be at a loss for words.
Why can’t we all just get a Long Island Iced Tea?
No officer I wasn’t texting, that’s dangerous. I was checking my email.
My dad use to take me to the circus to see the clowns, freakshows and the bearded lady. Now... I can see them anytime shopping at Walmart.