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All I`m saying is that the cheese grater wouldn`t have 4 sides if they wanted you to wash it after every use.
If you think you aren`t creative, buy a gym membership and see how many excuses you find not to use it.
Playing Frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to just running after a Frisbee.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
I hate it when my fat makes me look fat.
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you`ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief
I get so tired of the same old BS...can´t I get a little BS variety?
If I had to describe myself with one word it would be "Doesn`t understand directions".
Today my role will be played by an overworked, under caffeinated, sarcastic, unstable, asshole. Consider this my disclaimer for the day.
It doesn`t matter if you don`t like my personality... I have several more!
Doctor: How`s your headache? Me: She`s out of town.
Was up all night wondering, why do people compliment me for having all my sh!t together & yet still insult me for being full of it?
I bet if we all threw our problems into a big pile, we’d see everyone else’s and scramble to get ours back.
I never finish anyth...............
I love strapping my kids into their car seats. It’s the closest I can legally come to putting them in straitjackets.