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I was gonna take over the world this morning but I overslept. Postponed ... Again.
It’s proving very difficult to find a shop selling “Left Guard” for my other armpit…
I can´t wait until Weight Watchers comes out with a beer.
It’s called karma, and it’s pronounced “haha! Screw you!”
The best moments in life are simple… you know like when you sit down and get comfy and the remote is magically next to you.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day ... Palm Sunday is just around the corner
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna´ be a great day.
Gimmie a P. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an O. Gimmie a C. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an A. Gimmie an S. Gimmie a....oh, nevermind. I`ll finish this later.
I just wish the automatic paper towel dispensers were half as sensitive as the automatic flushers.
What`s this g-mail? I just got used to e-mail. And why did they skip f-mail?
I suppose cougar is a better term than old whore.
Is your drama going to have an intermission soon? I need to pee.
Ever noticed that `beer can` in a british accent sounds exactly like `bacon` in a jamaican accent?
When someone tells you they`re playing a STD game... But you later realise they were talking about Spot The Difference.
Just because she weighed as much as two women doesn`t mean you had a threesome