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The guy that thought of wrapping other food items in bacon deserves an award.
I`m trying to live healthier......but I`m considering taking up cigars, since they`re still the coolest way to light dynamite fuses.
3 things I will never understand: 1. The meaning of life. 2. The universe. 3. How Spongebob & Patrick made those sounds effects in that box.
Ever wonder if the McDonalds logo is the letter "m" or just an image of your butt cheeks it will cause?
I bought my Ex a chair ... But the state won`t let me plug it in.
I made it halfway to Mexico before I realized that those sirens were just coming from the song on my radio.
I`m sorry baby, but me & you are not going to work out. We are going to watch tv.
I’m in no shape to exercise.
Sneezing is like using sonar to find polite people.
I hate it when people dont know the differece between Ur and U`r
None of my girlfriends even know they`re dating me.
In my experience, temporary insanity can last a long time.
B!tch Please, your only fan is the one on your ceiling.
I procrastinate so much I’ll probably put off death and never die.
When in doubt, read Facebook Statuses, you`ll see you`re not the only crazy one around