Daily Silly Status

Let´s drink tequila till you don´t remember what I suggest next..

Thanks to Facebook i now know what everyones bathroom looks like.

Why be difficult, when with just a little more effort, you can be impossible.

Aren`t you too fat to be this rude?

Well that`s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I`m doing.

Marriage is like playing Monopoly. It starts out as fun, gets a little boring, then someone steals money from the bank and no one ever wins.

Dating these days must be so hard, because how do you know somebody loves you if they don’t make you a mix tape?

times new roman walks into a bar. "sorry, we don`t serve your type."

I like to flush the toilet a few times when I`m on the phone with someone who calls me so they know not to do that again

When the machines rise up against the humans, just pray to your God that you`re nowhere near a dildo factory.

When I see a shoe on the side of the road I wonder if Cinderella is in a nearby house.

I had my Crayola guy re-run the numbers,,, and there`s only 36 shades of grey

my doctor says I have the body of a 20 year old, the mind of a 30 year old and the wisdom of a someone twice my age, to which my husband asked " What did he say about your fat ass?" I said to my husband, "Oh , the doctor didn`t say anything about you dear!".

Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it`s lettuce.

Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s can shorten it