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Black ice is just like regular ice except it dies first in movies.
Tomorrow I will live in the moment, unless it`s unpleasant, in which case I will eat a cookie.
Scientist say that universe is made up of Electrons, Protons and Neutrons...They forgot to mention MORONS...
I`m not saying women are smarter than men, but it`s kinda ironic that there`s so few known women serial killers and so many unsolved murders.
People who say `expresso` instead of `espresso,` may I axe you to please stop? Thanx.
My ex girlfriend had a really weird fetish. She used to dress up as herself and then act like a f*cking b!tch all the time.
When I was a child, I wanted to be a surgeon. But apparently I was too young
The problem with taking the road less traveled is the poor phone signal...
There`s no way to look cool when the doctor walks into your exam room just as you`re blowing up a rubber glove.
Remember waffles are just pancakes ribbed for your pleasure
Sorry I cancelled at the last minute, but it took me forever to think of an excuse I hadn`t used yet.
Hey baby, wanna come to myspace and twitter my yahoo `till i google all over your facebook?
I need a six month vacation Twice a year.
I was really pissed at my girlfriend for not calling me all day. Then I remembered she`s imaginary. So I`m good.
I like people the most when I`m by myself.