Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My goal today is to lose this hangover and earn another
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...
When you’re old, my kids will be in charge. I’m so, so sorry.
We always say that our elders are wise, because of their years of experience. But you know what? ... Stupid people get old too.
I quit my job and handed in my badge and gun to my boss, he said, why do you have a gun? You work at McDonald’s.
People who walk while looking at their phones and expect me to get out of the way... LOL.
You haven`t truly made it on YouTube until someone recognizes you in the unemployment line and asks for your autograph.
Since it started raining all my wife has done is look through the stupid window... If it gets any worse, I`ll have to let her in.
I wish I had my own private chauffeur. . . . Then I could really commit to being an alcoholic!
Only awesome people are allowed to ‘LIKE’ this status!
Why is it never opportunity that`s knocking? Instead, it`s usually cops with a warrant...
I dont hate you but, if you put `just about to jump off a cliff` as your facebook statuses i would poke you
Try this... When leaving a fancy restaurant tell the people coming in "I recommend you try the donkey, snail or the squirrel".
Some people come into your life as blessings, others come into your life as lessons.
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch yesterday.