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I`ve been married to my wife 10 years today. Having sex with just one person in 10 years is pure dedication. I don`t know how she does it.
Watching a movie with the girlfriend tonight. Can anyone recommend a good girlfriend?
The only thing I hate about beer is that there`s absolutely nothing I hate about beer... :)
Ermegerd! I WON EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH!!!!! Again! I love being self employed..
Why do hospitals need to advertise? It`s not like I`m going to go to Home Depot instead.
I`ve been single so long now I don`t remember what it`s like for someone to be mad at me for something I didn`t even know it did!
You make me feel "I`m-typing-this-with-my-middle-finger" angry.
Life is hard, it`s even harder when your stupid.
Be thankful for Facebook, the way gas prices are headed we may never actually see each other again.
To a cop, doing donuts in a parking lot has a whole different meaning.
Iām amazed by how quickly I forget what Iām doing.
In fact, yes, l can multitask. I can screw up several things at once.
Got a paper cut turning the pages in my self-defense book.
The best time to re-examine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.
FOR SALE: P90XĀ® home fitness kit, still in box, $50 or will trade for king size Snickers