Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My New Years resolutions are just a list of mixed drinks I haven`t tried yet.
If you look in the mirror and say "Taylor Swift" three times, she magically appears then breaks up with you. What do u know next? You`re a song!
Sex with human, ok. Sex with cow, not ok. Grabbing cow titty, ok. Grabbing Karen in accounting`s titty, not ok. Apparently.
Time flies when you’re having a drunken blackout.
That awkward moment when you realize this year is just going to be filled with morons talking about the end of the world the whole time.
I’m giving up on the silent treatment. ...Going to start talking to myself again.
How many selfies does it take to get to the center of attention?
How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don`t have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off.
Found out the name of my neighbor`s cat. In other news, I now have free internet.
You laugh because you think it’s a joke. I laugh because you think I’m joking.
Condoms prevent minivans.
If you find a four-leaf clover it means you have entirely too much time on your hands.
Found out the difference between onions and men. I don`t cry when I`m chopping up men.
If you put a "Student Driver" sign on top of your car, Nobody will ever suspect you of drunk driving.
i like boobs