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They don`t make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery.
I got some new underwear. Well, new to me...
I`m still kinda pissed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
Is it wrong to put leftover Halloween candy in their Easter baskets?
Once your pants catch fire, the fact that you`re lying becomes less important.
Calling your girlfriend by her Moms name during a fight is a great way to escalate the situation.
A "long story" is just a short story that no one wants to tell.
As long as there is an open textbook in front of you, nobody will question what you are doing on your laptop.
If monogamy is sex with only one person, what is origami?
Ever been in the middle of writing a great post and think, did I just run someone over?
I should win an Oscar for acting like I`m busy at work.
Ironman and Batman`s only super powers is being super rich and smart really makes Bill Gates a real disappointment.
I`m making a list of regrets. Just to be sure I`m accurate, how do you spell your name again?
I never cry over spilt milk. But, beer? That sh!t`s totally different.
So apparently airport security doesn`t like it when you call shotgun before boarding a plane.