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You don’t look like 200 likes in person.
The way you feel when your phone dies is exactly how Cinderella must have felt at midnight
When you can no long help someone, I can - said the coroner.
If the world dosen`t end on the 21st, I sure do have a lot of MREs to gift wrap.
Really don`t see the need for pants for the rest of this day. :)
This is my first status of 2017. Yeah, I thought it would be better too.
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run, but I did break a sweat.
When things get to stressful I hit the jim.......... Beam.
My New Year’s resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall ... I plan on sticking to it.
Twinkle twinkle little star, I want to hit you with my car.
I only hate the people in front of me while checking out at the store. Everyone behind me is cool.
My son said he went potty and I asked if it was number one or number two. He said number 7,,, and now I`m terrified to go into the bathroom.
If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.
I don`t always do a lot, but I put a lot of thought into it.