Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A good lawyer knows the law. An excellent one knows the judge.
Just printed out 50 copies of today’s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I’m just not in the mood for small talk.
WHAT DO WE WANT!!! A cure for hangovers WHEN DO WE WANT IT!!! Please stop yelling
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present, they are due back at the library today.
I used to make fun of my dog for barking at dogs on TV until I caught myself in the car pulling over for a siren on the radio.
If "The Breakfast Club" were made today, it would be a silent film about 5 kids staring at their phones.
When the hostess at the restaurant says “table for 2?” I always like to look surprised and whisper “you can see her too?”
"Something`s wrong. He`s never walked this far before."- what my shoes would say if you walked a mile in them.
Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.
If spiders ever come to the realization that people are terrified of them, we`re f*cked.
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that doesn`t let you skip.
Though we made many advancements in society, sadly, pimpin’ STILL isn’t easy.
I dont care how you live your life, so just let me live mine. Yeah whatever.
You care so much about me? Keep that sh*t to yourself i got my demons under control
What`s with this `running with scissors` bullsh!t? Why would you run with scissors? Are you that excited to cut paper?