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one of the Olsen twins got married earlier today! when the fiance was asked "which one???" he replied "who cares???"
Adulthood is like losing your mom in the grocery store for the rest of your life.
A chain lock on a door is just there to annoy the person who is breaking in to kill you, right?
Why can’t I lose weight easily I mean I lose everything else without a problem.
I just ate Pasta and Anti-Pasta, but they annihilated each other, now I am hungry again.......
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!”
Walmart: Because where else in the world can you pay $50 to have your oil changed by someone with a GED, find a sized 46H bra, or run the risk of being filmed live on location with the men and women of law enforcement on your way out the door.
Woke up to my teen cleaning the house for "no reason" and now I have a mystery to solve.
1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
Here, take my hand. Now slap yourself with it.
I think I will stick to my old fashioned pepper shaker. This new pepper spray tastes terrible on my potatoes...
No, PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on facebook.
When 12 year old girls call each other honey and sweet heart...
If only losing weight was as easy as losing my cell phone, my keys, my temper, or even my mind ... I`d be SO skinny!