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My house isn’t dirty, I just have everything on display.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning.
"What doesn`t kill you makes you smaller." -Super Mario
I`m having trouble telling if it`s killing me or making me stronger
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me more than a week to realize that I`m not at work anymore....
If a mass murderer on death row ordered a Klondike Bar for his last meal I bet it would explain a lot.
Some people are like eye-candy... I`m more like eye-meatloaf.
Sorry, just got your text. Are we still on for last night?
I went on two diets because there wasn’t enough food on just the one.
The only thing Facebook has ever done for me is make me realize a lot of my friends are idiots.
OMG guys!! im so happy!! the doctors just gave me a jacket so im always hugging myself!!
When someone says "everything happens for a reason" I`d like to smack them and say "yeah, I guess you`re right"
If I was on drugs, this post would be amazing.
I like to listen to mexican radio but I dont know what they are singing or saying so I just pretend they are singing about how awesome I am.