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Some people are like water balloons; they`re more fun when you throw them out the window.
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
I like when videogames limit how many things you can hold. "You have 100 items in an invisible bag. Carrying another would be unrealistic"
I just apologized to my wife for something she did wrong. Marriage is fun.
FACEBOOK STORY: Add as friend – Approve -> Write something on wall -Intro – Everyday chatting – Ask number phone – Messaging – Calling – Meeting – Express love – Make relationship status – Hangout – Misunderstanding – Fight – Break up – Unfriend – Block !THE END
Jack The Ripper would be a great name for a fitness trainer.
whoever said that there are no stupid questions was stupid
Even though I`m a guy I still get nervous when I pee on a pregnancy test.
I`d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
im so hungry, im farting fresh air
Do these people in movies who wander off into the woods alone at night not watch movies?
The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macauley Culkin because I always go home alone.
Im switching some friends from my Facebook account to my Fakebook account.
Today I heard a guy on the street say, `It`s chowder season, baby!` so I pushed him in front of a bus because those are awesome last words
You think you have a tough job? I clean the windows on automatic doors.