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My fantasy is having two women at once...One Cooking, One Cleaning.
Don`t blame me. You`re the one following a 41 year old man who just jumped into his bed like an Olympic athlete because scary monsters.
Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
is pondering why people have a favorite color M&M when they all taste the same!
When people say things like "You can`t change the past" I can`t help but wonder what it must be like to have that brilliant of a mind.
Get off your high horse. Seriously, it’s not safe to ride any animal that’s stoned.
So if a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should we trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
Nothing stops a yawn faster than a dog trying to lick inside your mouth.
Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart? hmm...
I just sent out my daily text to a random number saying "I hit Zack with my truck. I`m going to need to use your hacksaw to cut him up.
I wish I could forget you as easy as I forget my passwords.
True love is biting a slice of pizza when you`re fully aware that it will burn the roof of your mouth.
I never cry over spilt milk. But, beer? That sh!t`s totally different.
When reality kicks in… add more booze.
Some people are flirting with my delete & block button