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Ran into the girl who broke my heart. Totally worth the damage to my car.
Forecast for today: Unproductive with a chance of a late drinking session.
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
Today`s Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone
“Single and ready to mingle” is the fancy way of saying “Alone and desperate”
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend
All I’ve ever wanted from life was to be a disturbance in the force.
You don`t know broke until you`ve rinsed off a paper plate.
This status could be yours for 3 easy payment of $8.99, get in quick because this offer won`t last for long, infact there are only 5 left.
If you`re having second thoughts, you`re 2 ahead of most people.
It’s funny how “You’re so funny” turns into “You think everything’s a f*cking joke” in just 3 months…
She lost me at, "I don`t watch football."
When non-smokers come to My house....I ask them to stand outside while I have a smoke
Turns out a At Home DNA Test is not a good baby shower gift.
The early bird needs a punch in the throat.