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I’m the kind of girl that would eat Doritos on her wedding day & accidentally wipe her hands on her dress.
"Stay out of the heat & stay hydrated." Thank you news-anchor. It`s my first summer.
I watched my first Porn the other day. I looked so much younger back then!
Currently in the planning stages for a hangover.
I’m drinking like there’s snow tomorrow.
OMG! I just discovered that if I align them JUST right, that I can make your boobs stand straight up (just like the broom trick)! Message me for an appointment! ;)
You`d think he`d be better at this with all the porn he watches
The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake it then you`ve got it made!
Girlfriend: You`re acting like a little kid. Me: What do mean, little kids can`t drink.
The last time I was someone`s type, I was donating blood.
Asked my wife if she would be my friend on FB again, she said no. She said my “funny” status updates are annoying. Therefore, I must conclude she loves me for my body...
I started drinking a little early. Yesterday, to be more precise.
I wish "You idiot" was an appropriate way to end a work email.
My therapist keeps saying that I should really stop talking to inanimate objects.....but he`s a lamp...what does he know....
has a Massive drinking problem ... there is no alcohol in the house!