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What do you call a guy who makes "Woman in the Kitchen" jokes? Single.
I support recycling, I wore this shirt yesterday.
It’s called karma, and it’s pronounced “haha! Screw you!”
Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until ALL the birds have gone South for the Winter.
Cats have been named the #1 pet held hostage by lonely women.
Nothing says God is forgiving like hell.
Home is where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
When someone looks over my shoulder while I`m on the computer, I open up a new tab and start searching, "HOW TO KILL THE PERSON BEHIND ME."
Whenever I try cleaning my room I either end up making a bigger mess, or just playing with the stuff I thought I lost.
So, at this point, should we really still be calling them New Kids on the Block?
If you want to keep a secret from me, write it down and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.
Paintball is much more fun when the other people at Walmart don’t know we are playing.
I need chapstick on my lips ... anyone want to share ?
Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.