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Urban Dictionary has saved me from asking so many awkward questions.
Lying in bed, listening to the Doors. I really should oil the hinges...
Netflix is soo much better than going out and pretending to like people.
Never , under any circumstances , take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. O_o
Don`t talk to me like I`m stupid until you know for sure.
Soccer is just like my sex life. Long periods of time with no action followed by pure shock & surprise by all parties involved when I score.
I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.
What I lack in sex appeal I make up in staying home and drinking.
Pregnancy test confirmed me my worst fear.......I`m just fat
Wanna ruin a girl’s day? Respond to her next text with “Who is this?”
I ate the whole box of Slim Fast bars. So excited about how skinny I`ll be when I wake up tomorrow.
I bet the creator of the artificial heart is pretty pissed that we still use "sliced bread" as our basis for great inventions.
"You suck! No, you suck!!" - Two women in a threesome
I get my: Cereal from a tiger, Insurance from a gecko, Toilet paper from a bear, Financial advice from a gorilla. It`s people I don`t trust.
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.