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Apparently getting injured while in the KISS Army doesn`t make you eligible for V.A. benefits.
If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I`d just laugh and search with them.
Lottery gives you a 1 in 200M chance of skipping work tomorrow...alcohol is 1 in 5. You play your game...I`ll play mine
When I come home 4 the holidays I throw $40 on the table & say "Look we`re keeping the thermostat at 75, and we`re turning on some lights."
I avoid online dating sites because they match you up with people who share your interests. I don`t want to go out with a weirdo.
Single ? I`m not single, I`m in a long standin relationship with fun and freedom ! ;)
If the wicked witch of the west melts in water ... How did she bathe?
Who needs the weather network when you have Facebook.
This police sketch artist has no idea that he`s about to draw me as the most bad ass Batman caricature ever.
I get in this weird mood where I don’t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood ‘Awake’
When reality kicks in… add more booze.
After watching "Breaking Bad" and the VMAs in the same night, I think I`d rather my kid be a meth dealer than a musician.
Grammar. The difference between feeling your nuts, and feeling you`re nuts.
Politeness has become so rare, that some people mistake it for flirting.
So I danced like no one was watching. My court date is pending.