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I`ll drink enough for both of us, because I`m just a caring person.
The sexiest fantasy in 50 Shades Of Grey is the bit where she gets a job in journalism without having to do years of unpaid work experience.
Difference between men and women: Women can change their mind whenever they want. Men can change their mind whenever the woman wants.
I just peed so hard that I laughed a little.
if you wake up at 3am and scream bloody mary three times in the mirror, your mom will tell you to shut up and go to bed
The hay in baby Jesus`s manger came from Christian Bales.
My New Years resolution is to be more assertive if that`s okay with you guys?
Whoa. I just did something & almost forgot to document it on facebook. That was a close one.
Facebook becomes 100 times more entertaining when you have work to do.
Facebook, the lost and found for people. . .
Neil Armstrong lands on the moon: 5 pictures. Girl goes to Bathroom: 47 pictures.
If time does not wait for you, don’t worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.
Bitch, I grew up on the streets!!...Yes, it was Sesame
When I was little I didn`t care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it`s obvious that my parents didn`t care either.
Releasing a long silent fart as I walk through first class on the way to my economy seat is definitely my favorite part of boarding an aircraft.