Daily Silly Status

I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and the internet.

My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused food, drinks. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him and started throwing things everywhere. After that we NEVER played monopoly again.

FINALLY home from work! So, yea...if your phone number is on your profile...I will be drunk dialing you in about 30 minutes or so.

If you`ve never put fake blood capsules in your mouth before going to the dentist you are too mature to be my friend.

I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store last week and he hasn`t tracked me down and proposed to me yet. This is why I hate movies.

My New Year`s resolution is to stop pointing my car alarm remote at my apartment front door expecting to unlock it

Hello is this HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.

I used to make fun of my dog for barking at dogs on TV until I caught myself in the car pulling over for a siren on the radio.

It’s hard to tell if I’m dealing really well with life these days or if I just don’t give a sh!t.

For fun, I steal my married friends phones & change my name to `Brandy from the club` then repeatedly call them & hang up at 3am.

I don’t appreciate the 5 minute radio ads about how commercial-free the station is.

I took part in the sun tan world championships this weekend. I got bronze.

A day without sunshine is like, you know... night

I hate to call it "one night stands"... I prefer the term "auditions"

is ready to have one too many!