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Just for fun, next time you see a snooty, rich woman at the grocery store, ask her if she works there.
If it were easy then everyone would act like me.
I’ve thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year’s resolution ... 1024×768.
Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until ALL the birds have gone South for the Winter.
I should`ve married myself. I`ve never said no to sex. Not once. Not one single time ever.
wants my 260 FB friends to know I love you all..except #193
I hate when men`s restrooms have no urinals and a bunch of women in them.
Valentine’s Day is in 4 days so if you are secretly in love with me I suggest you reveal it now.
Drink till she´s cute, but stop before the wedding
Helpful Tip: You can’t get in trouble for leaving work early if you disable the security cameras and crawl out the air-conditioning duct.
If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that sh!t means but at least they`re not talking to you anymore.
What’s the difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?
There are plenty of fish in the sea ...That`s cool and all....but I`m a human.
I bought a little bag of air today, and the company that made it were kind enough to put some potato chips in it.
Wow comma I just realized if I tap the microphone on my keyboard I don`t have to type out my statuses anymore exclamation point